Bernard Poolman



Sunday 11 august 2013 Bernard Poolman has passed away. His heart stopped beating.

See blogpost on Creation’s Journey to Life.


I am not sure where to begin so I describe what I walk through since the message sunday afternoon that Bernard passed away.

When I read the message on email I first understood that his heart stopped beating and I expected that the message would go on like ‘he is in the hospital and being reanimated’ or something like that.

This is not so. Bernard really passed away.

Sadness is the first thing that comes up in me, together with disbelief and incomprehension and a thought as ‘what should we do now?!’

Soon after this it become very clear to me what to do: to move on with the activities that I am doing, and with the group who will continue doing the tasks. It was as if I was making some kind of checklist inside myself to see if I am able to continue the work what I started within Desteni, without the physical presence of Bernard being here anymore.

I am able to continue. I have called Larry and Sylvie and asked them to open the email. I wanted to share this with them. In the hourse after this, I was still pretty clear.

We have had chat at 20.00 with the whole group. Within this it became clear that Bernard will not be coming through the Portal:

Bernard will not be coming through the Portal. You must understand that Bernard was an individual standing within and as all of existence in his Physical Body; now that he is no more in his physical body, he as what he stood as, as life, as here, as all, as one, as equal still remains within existence; but he is no more an individual being/person………….. So, we cannot talk with him personally as a him personally did only exist for the time-being on earth as to what was necessary to be done. Therefore, we as individuals still here have to stand and walk this Physical Process. The dimensional process is/has been done and walked  we have to take it from here into/as the Physical and we have everything we need.

And here the real sadness came up. He is really not here anymore as ‘Bernard’, also not as an individual being in the dimensions.

The group is directly standing up within the responsibility to continue with the activities in and as Desteni untill it’s done. There are questions but there will be coming an interview from Sunette and this will probably answer most of the questions.

In the hours that follow, everything becomes clear very fast with regards to the points that I have not yet taken real responsibility for within myself; the things that I saw, but not yet ‘picked up’ to really change within myself. All these points actually leads towards the same conclusion, that I still trusted on Bernard in a way, that I am not really aware of what ‘life’  is, that I do not understand how he can deside to not continue as an individual being but as existance everywhere, being present in all life. Most of all are related to missing a point of absolute certainty. This is what I have missed so much during my life, and what I have experienced, seen and received as a support and example from Bernard. This is the point what I did not bring into standing in a sufficient way within myself because of participation within and as the mind, which gives an experience of self-doubt.

I notice that I made attachments towards Bernard with regards to his total effort with absolute certainty to bring in Life as what is best for all, untill it’s done, and that I used his absolute certainty and dedication as a motivation to push myself through. After being in South-Africa, I have asked myself several times if I would move on in self-honesty no matter what, and the answer was ‘yes’ every time. It is what I wanted to do for already 20 years, but what I was not able to take on in totality, because I was missing the complete information, the tools to bring it into practise and a living example of how to do this. I was missing the act of self-forgiveness, and without self-forgiveness, no real change is possible. Bernard and Desteni gave me the information, the practical tools and the living example, and within Desteni I picked up tasks that I am able to complete, with or without Bernard, and so I can move on with what I am doing already.

At the same time I noticed that there was still hesitation to really live in absolute certainty and dedication towards and as life. It was as if there was some kind of, “yes, but” within myself, and I was moving, but it seems like moving too slow; it felt like pushing through a fuzzy cloud of distraction.

So, the absolute certainty and effort from Bernard I used as a motivation to push myself through. And this is what I need to be for myself. During this week after his passing away, I notice a change in myself and around me, as if some veil, some ‘noise’ has moved with him. This is related to the removing of the physical systems that he was working on, and the last one that he took on while and with leaving his physical body. (There will be coming interviews about this from Sunette – you can read her blog here). As if for the first time, I see myself as being able to do this, to take full responsibility for my own mind and to work together with the group on bringing a solution into the world. I experience it as if the support as the living principles as Life as Bernard was standing in and as, is spread out everywhere in and as existence, as a platform to walk on, available for everyone who is ready to face oneself in self-honesty.

There is no choise anymore: I have to walk into living as what I see, realize and understand as the only solution and we as a group as Desteni have to walk and bring the solution into the world, and we as a group as humanity have to bring this change into living, as the only solution to live in equality and oneness in and as this physical world. We have to be, become and continue in being practical living beings as what is best for all, and within this we have to stand the test of time, as Bernard stood the test of time and has become timeless and always Here, in and as support as Life, in and as the Living Principles.

His carefullness in every breath, is what stands most by me, as Anna is also describing in her blog about Bernard.

This starts in tender care in and as myself,in the very small things. Really listening to myself. Applying self-forgiveness on the fear that comes up in this; fear for standing up in and as life in carefullness in a world that is not carefull. There is so much to do in this before I am really able to be carefull in every breath.

(Compassion in Action)  (Blog Cathy)

Life is caring, the mind is not. So the systems that exist have to be realligned with and as the living principles as what is best for all in and as carefullness, and so we need to stop the starting point of self-interest in and as the mind. This starts within ourselves, as only when we as as humanity change into carefull and trustworthy beings, we will be able to change the world into a place that is Best for All Life.

This is what Bernard and Sunette are pointing out every time again: “You only need to take full responsibility for your own Mind Consiousness System and to forgive and change yourself within this”.

This is how change will take place as 1+1+1+1+1

“Give as you would like to receive”.

Within this, real care will come in. As first there is the giving and then there is the receiving.

Bernard said several times to me: “You are still scared of people”. “What to do” I asked. “It’s a thought”, he answered.

Within my witness-blog about going to the farm I described (part of) my experience with  Bernard on the farm.

I can keep on writing while the words are not fully describing what Bernard has given and how gratefull I am for what he has done. It is to each one of us to really live as his example in and as the Living Principle.

Here are a few lines from the chat that shows how it is not about Bernard but about the Living Principle that he brought into the world, and only living by this living principles and within this, bringing life into the world until it is done, until all is life, is a real expression of gratefullness and respect towards Bernard, who is standing as Life-Self-Realised. Because, what we all are really missing is


in and as ourselves, and so in and as the world:

we have to become the living example of the living principle in the physical (Sunette)

he’s always stood in existence, as existence – here, so he’s “here”, but not “Bernard as an individual” – what I mean with ‘he’s here in/as existence’ is the Principle, Life (Sunette)

he told us -it is never about the individual, but the principles, thus we cannot use any excuses that bernard is not alive, because the principles still stand and it is up to us to stand (Cameron)

Consider the point that Bernard wasn’t something special  but the embodiment of a principle that we can all develop ourselves as; so  then I would suggest to simply stand as that point yourself of giving yourself your life back through being disciplined, and diligent in your process of standing up (Viktor)

he will be missed – but we will not miss his message/his words/what he stood for/as – this we’ve got to take and live and continue to do so (Sunette)

I would say Bernard did a better job than Jesus. Establishing the process of walking as equals as one as the principle – so we individually and together see this through, he was the guiding point, and now we have enough guidance to guide ourselves and each other and so to those still to come to be walking with us (Sunette)

we cannot rely on one single individual as that would be again ‘following a message’ instead of living it (Marlen)

Need to look at what you saw in bernard and found missing within yourself and then give it to yourself (Fidelis)

All he ever asked of us is show others the support he has given us (Fidelis)

we each stand as a specific point within this process – Bernard stood as the living example of what we are to become, life self-realised – walking the process we have established / each has ‘their point to stand’ – so, ‘life individualized’ is like self realisation process of being/becoming life and we have the process / structure to walk to be/become it (Sunette)

 Bernard Poolman –  Living The Word Alive: DAY 231

Thank you

Video support Marlen


(This is partly a translation of the Dutch blog that I wrote on 13 august 2013)

(Dutch blog with related self-forgiveness)

(Dutch Journey to Life blog)

(English Journey to Life blog)



Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Equal Life Foundation:
Proces van zelfverandering:  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
Zelfeducatie free:
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:

Bij de osteopaat

Ik ervaar ontzetten veel weerstand om me te laten behandelen. Mijn fysiek is verkrampt, met name darm en bekken, en in het fysiek gaan betekent ook in deze pijn gaan.

We starten de behandeling. Hij begint met de schedel en later het buikgebied. Op een gegeven moment uit ik dat ik zoveel weerstand ervaar dat ik het liefste zijn handen weg wil slaan en weg wil rennen. “Voelt het niet goed om hier te zijn”? vraagt hij. “Ik weet het niet, ik wil er doorheen; weerstand voelt nooit goed”, zeg ik. (Het voelt alsof ik mezelf iets aandoe en ‘niet voor mezelf opkom’).

Okay Ingrid kom op, weerstand, gevoelens van misbruik, niet willen dat hij mijn lichaam aanraakt. Wat zou Bernard-Leven zeggen?

osteopathie gouda

Weerstand is een illusie. Gevoelens van misbruik zijn niet echt en gebaseerd op gedachten en herinneringen. Er kan me niets gebeuren (ik ben vaker bij deze osteopaat geweest en hij kan ‘via zijn handen met het fysiek praten’ en is hierin ervaren en integer).

Ik zie dat hij even twijfelt om door te gaan, en ik realiseer me dat ik zelf verantwoordelijkheid dien te nemen voor het voortzetten van de behandeling, en dat doe ik.

Zo stop ik nog wat gedachten als illusies die opkomen, pas hier en daar een zelfvergeving toe in het hoofd en ik word rustiger, de emoties verdwijnen. Uiteindelijk gaat de behandeling vrij soepel en geeft hij de feedback dat het lichaam snel ontspant in de aanrakingen en grepen, veel sneller dan een paar maanden geleden, en zo noemt hij nog een aantal fysieke verbeteringen op ten aanzien van vorige keer. “Je hebt hard gewerkt”, zegt hij.

Dat heb ik. Ik heb de afgelopen maanden veel doorgewandeld in schrijven en toepassing van zelfvergevingen en zelfcorrecties – onder andere in de Dip-Pro cursus in het mind-construct – waardoor de emoties, opgeslagen in het lichaam, veel minder zijn geworden.

Waar ik me gewaar van wordt in deze behandeling, is dat een ‘push’ en een opstaan heel rustig is, heel soepel, ‘stil’ zou ik zeggen, en dat er helemaal geen heftige taferelen aan te pas hoeven komen. De voorstellingen in de geest zijn heftig, en dat is precies hetgeen dat tegenhoudt om zelf te pushen en rustig en soepel op te staan, in het fysiek te komen. Leven is soepel, de geest verkrampt en creeert weerstand en wordt hierin en hierdoor heftig.

Een ander punt is het ‘geluid maken’ ter ondersteuning om in het lichaam te komen. Hij vraagt me geluid te maken om dieper in het lichaam, waar hij zijn handen houdt, te komen. Op dit geluid maken tijdens een behandeling ervaar ik al jaren weerstand, en ik doe het dus ook niet. Geluid maken terwijl ik op een behandeltafel lig in mijn blootje in een voor de geest wat ongemakkelijke positie, mmm dat is niet hetgeen ik om sta te springen. Dit komt door verbeeldingen van hard gekreun en gesteun en oergeluiden waarvan ik denk dat dit moet plaats vinden met veel aandacht hierop. Dus ik vraag hem nu, “hoe doe ik dat? Je moet even iets aangeven anders kom ik er niet doorheen”. Hij maakt even een geluid, “huuuuuh”, kort, en zegt, “gewoon, een geluid, maakt niet uit wat, als het maar trilt”.

“Als het maar trilt”? vraag ik hem. “Ja”, zegt hij.

Okay hier kan ik iets mee. Het is gewoon om te trillen in het fysiek. Dus ik maak wat geluiden om te trillen en vrij soepel ontspannen de strakgespannen spieren waar hij wat druk geeft met zijn handen, zonder ook maar enigszins te letten op wat voor geluid ik maak, maar gefocussed op de toestand van het weefsel in mijn lichaam waar hij zijn handen heeft.

Geluid als klank in het fysiek om te trillen. Dit sluit direct aan op het hardop in klank brengen van zelfvergevingen.

Het fysiek, de fysieke gesteldheid van mijn lichaam, is hier mijn referentiepunt dat het proces van zelfvergeving werkelijk invloed heeft op het fysiek en effectief is om emoties op te ruimen en zo het fysieke weefsel vrij te maken waardoor de spieren kunnen ontspannen; vrij maken van de opgeslagen spanning, van de opgeslagen structuren van de geest. Tevens laat deze behandeling me zien hoe de geest weerstand vergroot en opgooit als een enorm monster en dat er blijkbaar met enorm veel kabaal moet worden opgestaan als aanwezig worden in het fysiek. Niets hiervan is echt. Het aanwezig zijn in het lichaam gebeurt bijna ongemerkt, glijdend, geluidloos, aanwezig, stil.

Aan het einde van de behandeling realiseer ik me dat ik in deze behandeling zelf de leiding heb genomen, de beslissing om de weerstand te stoppen en in het fysiek te gaan. En dat de ‘gevoelens van misbruik’ gebaseerd zijn op ervaringen waarin ik mijn zelfsturing en zelfbestuur heb weggegeven aan een ander (=de mind), dus in de geest aan een andere persoon, hoogst waarschijnlijk door gedachten als ‘dat ik dit moet doen’ of ‘dat ik niet anders kan’ etc,  waardoor ik misbruik ervaar, maar waarin ik iets feitelijk zelf toesta en toelaat en zelfs inzet door een geloof in mijn gedachten in de geest (noot – er heeft Geen werkelijk fysiek misbruik plaats gevonden in dit leven). Dit is een interessant inzicht om specifiek te onderzoeken.

Een voorbeeld van hoe een behandeling als osteopathie ter ondersteuning van het fysiek, gecombineerd kan worden met het proces van schrijven, zelfvergeving en zelfcorrectie, en hoe dit elkaar effectief aanvult en bevordert. (Reis van ziel naar Leven – Dag 350)

Steviger aanwezig in het lichaam geeft de stabiliteit om veranderingen in het dagelijks leven werkelijk toe te passen, in ieder moment, en als ik de geziene veranderingen werkelijk leef in de fysieke realiteit, is zelfverandering gevestigd en zeker, in en als het fysiek, en zal verandering in de fysieke wereld kunnen plaatsvinden.

Desteni-I-Process-Lite – Free course

Spirituality under microscope

Are we the slaves of our own beliefs?


Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Equal Life Foundation:
Proces van zelfverandering:  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
Zelfeducatie free:
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:

Going to the Farm in South-Africa

In octobre 2012 I have been to the farm in South-Africa for a month. I went there together with Sylvie Jacobs, another Dutch participant from Desteni.

On the farm in South-Africa, there live about 15 people who are investigating and working on a solution for the total inequality that exists on earth, which starts by and goes hand in hand with the process of changing of self within this. Because, we are the world, and if we are not able to change ourselves, then how will we be able to make a change in and as the world as it exist now.

The people on the farm live together with a lot of animals. Horses, dogs, cats, ducks, chicken, geese, and of course all the small and large ‘wild’ animals and insects that live on the land they share. The people live in different formations, as single person and some married couples. They live in 3 houses which are standing near to each other with a piece of land around the house. In every house there are living animals: in all 3 houses there live dogs, in two of the three houses there also live cats and in the one house without cats, there live parrots. Animals and human are living together, they share the space and enjoy the company of each other.

Everyone live and work together from the principle of finding solutions to clean the mess that we have allowed and created on earth, and change ourselves and the worldsystem to make this eventual happen. (The process of how this is done, is readable in the large amount of blogs that every participant is writing on a daily or regular basis.).

What I noticed here, is that the living together is very stable. What do I mean by that? The people who live together are not projecting their own reactions as emotions and feelings, towards each other. So, everyone is bringing their own mind-movements, as thoughts, emotions, feelings, internal conversations, back to self, and not speaking them out towards another. When we bring everything back to self, we give ourselves the ability to sort out what is going on in our mind (within the process of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application) and we don’t need to speak this out towards another outside ourselves. This makes the living together stable, because there are no – or little, as everyone is in a process of self-correction – projections towards each other. No blaming outside self, no critisism towards each other, and if there is, it is something to consider and bringing back to self for investigation, as an inequality in self is triggered. If there is an unstablity noted, there is direct support to sort this out, inside self and in cooperation with each other, to walk through this point that comes up, to find a new stable platform inside self.

The people on the farm work constant and continuesly, varied by physical work as working on the land and taking care of the house and animals, and work of support and process, which is mostly done on the computer. The tempo of the working is constant, physical: the work needs to be done, but there is no need to rush and run and hurry and stress about it. The work is combined with pleasure and making fun, and in between there is some time to relax, to watch a movie, to listen some music, to play with the animals. It is not as ‘taking a day off’, it is more relaxing in between and during the work that needs to be done; being comfortable in doing the daily tasks.

Sunette, a young woman who lives at the farm, leaves her body almost every day to give access to a dimensial being who gives an interview. With a dimensial being I mean a being that does not live in a physical body at the moment. This dimensial being can enter the body of Sunette when she leaves her body, and so speak through her body to give an interview. This is called ‘The Portal’. The portal is giving all the infomation that was always hidden in ‘heaven’, because no human before in the entire history, was able to remember what happened after death and bringing this back to earth while living on earth; neither was a human before in history able to completely leave the body while living on earth, unconditionally, without interference of the mind, and within this, able to give complete physical information from and as the being that enters the body. (Remember, channeling is a total different story, where the information that one had/has access to, was/is always contained by the mind, and so manipulated and influenced by the preprogramming of the mind consciousness system. Channeling was used to control the human beings in and as the mind. The information that was given through channeling was deliberately incomplete, and incomplete is never best for all; it leaves ‘parts out’, so it is selective which is not equal and one).

So, I have listened daily to interviews from the portal, which is Sunette, leaving her body and giving acces to dimensional beings, who share their story of realization after death, as a support for living on earth as what is best for all. In the dimensions they stand for what is best for all; they give and stand as full support, so it is up to us, humans on earth, to change ourselves in our physical bodies and the system here on earth, into a living that is best for all, here in physical reality, here on earth. The information given in the interviews is very detailed and very specific. It is given in series where each interview follows up the interview before, but they are also able to be listened on itself as each intervied contains a specific subject. I found it very supportive to listen to them daily, to see and being a physical witness of the coherence between heaven and earth, visible in the portal. The information gave me a lot of realizations, as the subjects are tuned on the people that are physical present at the interviews. In general it trained me to listen with ease to English interviews, as we were often listening to 3 interviews after each other in about 2  hours, with only a short break in between, from which I still benefit while listening an interview from eqafe at home on my mp3.

I have watched her, I have asked questions, I have heard voice changes from different beings inside her body, I have seen a small change in the look in the eyes, and always the body of Sunette was stable, here, present, in front of me and some others, able to do every physical movement that we are able to. The leaving of her body and giving access to a dimensional being, and coming back in her body, was done in a breath, One Single Breath.

The interviews that take place almost daily, are always done with more than one being around, and all the interviews are available in the eqafe-store, as a support for every one who wants to support self and life on earth to find solutions and make it livable here. It is information that has never been shared – probably some small parts of it, but never the whole story of existence, in heaven and on earth – and if you  are able to stop your scepticism and really listen from an open perspective, you will find out yourself, slowly but surely, how it really works and have worked for an uncountable amount of time. Remember, scepticism is part of the brainwashing, where you exist in fear and control, and this is keeping you away from real investigation, inside yourself and in the world.

So, nothing is hidden, everything is available, everybody is standing by their own name, and everybody is writing and within this, everybody is a witness of what a human being is capable of. As an individual but always in cooperation with the group, as nobody can do it alone. And this is also a very important realization: I cannot do it alone, I cannot stay on my island in my own mind, hiding from the rest, as nobody alone can make a real change in existance.

I have seen Sunette as someone who is gentle and always ready to give support, to give an answer to every question that is asked. She lives together with every one else, like every one else, doing the same work, playing with the dogs, eating food, having some rest in the night, working on the internet for hours, etc. She is a human being who dedicated her life to make life on earth a dignified life for every living being.

Bernard asked me once I was sitting there, okay, what is the difference between you and her (Sunette), and I was giving answers as ‘she is here’ and ‘she is in breath’ and things like that, but actually I had not a clear answer as no words for what I noticed as this difference, accept that I saw that I was distracted by everything inside myself and around me and she was not, she was sitting behind her computer, working, stable. Bernard said after every answer I gave, “be more concrete, name it; you don’t know what ‘being here’ and ‘being in breath’ ” means. Well, in the end he gave the answer and that is, that she had made the decision, the decision that she is able to change herself, that she will change herself, and she is living this decision daily.

After being at the farm I understood, it is all about making the decision. If I do not make the decision, I will be distracted and directed by the mind, by thoughts, by emotions, by feelings, by every opinion inside myself and around me. This is what separates me, what makes me doubt myself. And in every point that I have to walk through I notice that only if I make the decision to do so, I have walked through, and I will walk through. As long as I am not making the decision, I am distracted by the mind and let myself distract by the mind, and I allow it, and I accept it. Which means, I have to investigate what is going on in the mind, what I hold on to, as I still believe the story that I made up in the mind, the emotions and feelings connected towards and within this. Until I am clear, until I have forgiven myself and my own self-interest related to the point and the story, I will be distracted by my own experiences in an das the mind. And when I am clear, I am able to make the decision, and I can walk through and stop the distractions in and as the mind.


Back to daily living at the farm.

When we arrive there, we start participating in their daily life-routine. The routine I followed:

5.00 waking up; 5.30 kitchen-garden; 6.30 some house cleaning, coffee, (others go to the horses); 8.00 garden-work; 10.30 breakfast; 11.30 interviews; 13.30 lunch; free-time/computer-time; 15.40 horses; 16.30 free-time/computer-time/cookingtime; 20.00 chat; 21.00 computer-time, 23.00 bed-time. Weekends are free from gardenwork.

The first week in South-Africa I was exhausted from the agitated year in The Netherlands before. I was feeling overwhelmed because of all the emotions I had build up during life, and not being able to relax within this anymore. My physical body was restrained. I understood the information that is presented by Desteni, but I did not see how to practically live this, how to be comfortable in this, how to be comfortable in my own body in general.

The land, the plants, the animals, the sounds, the life inside, is giving support to slowly relax the body, to come down to earth. The people are giving space to just walk through this stress, to settle down in the new environment. They share their process experiences, they explain how they work and what we have to do to work together in this new environment, how to take care of the animals, how to work in the garden, how they share the house, how they take care of the house and devide the tasks as cooking and cleaning. They give the possibility to participate in every practical job; we are supposed to join where ever we can within the space of a comfortable ritm, without force on the physical body.

I  have had conversations about process, with the people we live with in the house, with Sunette for support, with Esteni for process-support related to DIP-pro, with Bernard Poolman for process-support in general. How did Bernard support me in my process?

From what I have seen, he speaks to each person in different voice-tonalities in which we are able to hear him. We have all a different programming, related to the genetics and environment that we grew up in. In this we are sensitive to different voice-tonalities, meaning, if some one for example, speaks in a very load voice to us, which scares us very much because it triggers a memory in relation to a load voice and fear, we are not able to hear the words that one speak and we only ‘hear’ the tonality and our own reaction to this. So the voice-tonality plays an important role in the fact if we hear what is being said, as long as we are moved by this pre-programminging and reactions related to memories.

To me, he spoke in an easy, gentle way, as in this I can listen to the words without going into judgements towards myself. I have heard him speaking to another destonian in a more ‘discussion-tonation’, and she was responding to this equally, in which I saw this as a way of speaking that she is comfortable in, and so able to hear the words that he is speaking.

Within this, in general, he showed me the points that are hidden in me, to face myself who I am, to support in general to become a trust-worthy being who is able to stand on his own two feet, which starts with self-trust. This will make me able to access situations with common sense, able to investigate myself and the world where we live in. This self-trust I was really missing (and still working on) and so I doubted everything inside myself, even though I knew it is real what I see. Most points were points that I already had seen, that I already know,  but I did not yet changed it, and so I am not standing in my upmost potential. Some point that he brought up was really hidden, as I would say unconscious. I knew there was something not in place with it, but I was not really aware of it, although I noticed that it influenced me. So the moment he brought it up, I recognized it and was touched by it, and it needs investigation inside myself.

Did I have stand up in self-trust and become trust-worthy in a month? No! It is a process for years, a Journey to Life. But one month at the farm has given me a platform to walk this process, to push myself through the difficult points, to stand up if I fall. It confirmed me in what I had seen inside myself as being real, but where I could not stand in, as nobody around me could stand with me in this in common sense, in absolute certainty. It is this absolute certainty that Bernard stand in that really supported me. Have you ever been considered by a human being who is standing in and as the principle of what is best for all, meaning, who is confronting you with the points inside yourself that needs to be changed, that are not best for all, and at the same time giving you the most gentle and respectfull support that is possible, that is giving you the missing links through which you were not able to stand up? Just by giving you some words, or by sitting with you for a while, showing/teaching some small, simple, physical changes? In which you notice, with this, I can move on, I have missed this my whole life, I have missed my whole life a living example, just one, and one time given this support is enough to move on with, to stand up in, to walk process on. With this, I am able to walk on. This is what Bernard gave to me. For the rest, it is up to me, to my own decisions, to my own integrity, to my own ability to push, to forgive and to correct myself and bring it in reality; with the support of the group, the dip-course and the information and instructions available on internet.

I would like to give another example of how the dogs supported me.

I am not grown up with dogs, and not used to their behaviour, so it often experienced some anxiety around them because I didnot know how to behave myself, how they would respond, and they have pretty sharp tees and can be pretty big, so I was not sure how to approach dogs.

At the farm, there are Many dogs! In the house I stayed, there were living 5 dogs, from which 3 large ones. I liked them immediately, and after a week I became more comfortable with them. It are the dogs that I ‘missed’ most after leaving the farm, as they are very supportive to just be here, standing with two feet on the earth, enjoying their bodies and touching them, enjoying playing with them. One particulair moment of support was when I was in another house than I lived in, sharing some grieve I was not clear on with Esteni and experiencing sadness in this. One big dog was really pushing his body towards me until he was sitting in front of me, and offered his body to pull my arms around, to hold him tightly and cry, which gave really stability and support within this experience of sadness, to let out the tears. Just to be with him and hold him for a while without needing to explain what is going on and holding his body as a stability point.


Back in The Netherlands; does this mean my process is easy now? Again, No. After going to the farm, it is for sure easier than the year before. I am more stable, less emotional, and not feeling ‘lost’ anymore, which means I am able to support myself. I have seen all these living examples, I have lived with them and spoken to them, which makes walking process tangible for me.

I still experience difficulties almost every day as I have been programmed for 39 years before I started this process as deprogramming myself from all these structures, and this ‘heavy experience or difficulties’ is part of my programming, it is the structure of my mind – I have never jumped lightly through life. Resistance is a daily experience. Which means, I am pushing on the right buttons, the points that need self-investigation.

Does this mean that walking process is only possible after going to the farm? Also, No. I would have walked on anyway, also if I was not able to visit the people in South-Africa. The support that is available is becoming more effective, as for example the Dip-Lite course, and other participants are becoming more effective; the amount of information available is growing, and within this there is a lot of support available on the internet. In the end, it is about priciples and instructions that are implying what is best for all, that we have to use as a starting-point and thet we have to integrate in and as the physical by ourselves.

It is about becoming our own point of support, working together in a group of people who live in and as the same principles as what is best for all, supporting each other where and when necessary.

So, is it possible for everyone to enter the farm for a visit in any moment?

No. This is simply and practically not possible and there is also a dedication asked for at least 1 year walking the Dip-pro course and writing a journey to life blog. All the information is available on the internet. You have all access, and it is up to each one self, to investigate the principles that are presented, to test them for self, in self, by applying in your own life, and to prove to yourself what is real and what is not. In several countries there are people who are walking this proces for quite some time, and they are available on the internet, via blogs, via the forum, via a free course with a personal buddy, and maybe even in your physical environment. And everyone can step in, just as I and others did; everyone who is really interested in self-investigation in self-honesty and willing to follow priciples and instructions to support yourself, while working together in a group in finding solutions for worldchange, to make the world a place where all living beings have a dignified life. Which is a long way to go.