A moment with Bernard – standing absolute as support and example

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I was on the farm in oktober 2012. Two years ago now. I was sitting with Bernard at the main house at a table outside. He was supporting me with some things, I do not exactly remember what we started to talk about when sitting there. It was related to relationships and me saying that I would like to have a relationship/agreement. To mention here is that I just left a situation of living together with a male that at that monent did not work out and I was too much in reaction within myself to stay in it. So I was living alone again where in I created a situation for myself to really be with me, to see into myself and have the rest and time to do so. However, there was a great insecurity about ‘relationships’ within me and honestly I felt very ‘old’ while I was 39 at that moment. So Bernard took on this point with me with very simple suggestions that I did not expect. One of this was a suggestion about how to keep my hair, what suited with my face and another was some support about relaxing my face. (I didnot tell him that I was ‘feeling old’ however that was an experience existing within me). He told me that he looked younger at that moment than he did 10 years ago. So he tought me how to relax my jaw/jaw-bones by putting my tongue slightly against my upper palate. And so we were sitting there at the table while I was practising to relax my jaws and focussing on practising to put my tongue slightly agains my upper palate. We were sitting there mostly in silence for half an hour or something. I was very uncomfortable inside myself and all kind pf thoughts were running through my head, about for example him seeing how uncomfortable, how insecure I felt while sitting there. He did not once pay attention to such a thing, he was sitting there in silence with me, looking at the environment, breathing, once or twice remembering me to remember to put my tongue slightly against my upper palate.

This moment was determining for me within accepting this very deep experience of insecurity within me. I feared that he would ‘point it out’ or name it or something and he did not. Saying nothing about it and sitting there with me was all that I needed to walk through this moment. It was for me a ver vulnerable moment, although it may seem like ‘nothing to really bother about’. These words are part of a construct that I have stored within me as to ‘not bother about these apparent small things’ and to not ‘making things so difficult’ or to ‘do so difficult’ about seemingly unimportant details. Which was actually what I was struggling with within myself, as for me it was important but in/as the conscious mind and world, it seemed so unimportant and small and I had not learned to take myself serious in these small details while growing up and so, I learned myself to not take it serious, which was in conflict with me wanting to take myself serious, starting within the detail and seemingly small.

He took me serious and gave me something to focus on and let me be sitting with him within feeling very uncomfortable and insecure within myself. For me he was someone who I completely trusted in seeing ‘with me’. I realise now that this trust within one other being was at that moment in place of self-trust and it functions as a bridge to walk into self-trust. He probably must have seen my uncomfortability and insecurity, however he did not point any finger towards it and so, I could take it on from there within myself and learn to walk with and as myself within taking myself serious in the seemingly small details.

This is an example of how these very very small moments can function as a foundation to walk on from. For me it was important that he was a male and to walk this with a male, because my insecurity was more often towards males, especially males that ‘I looked up to’. To be clear, Bernard never wanted to look up to him but to stay equal with him and I knew that it was/is existing as an experience within me that I only really have walked through if I am standing one and equal towards, with and as myself as him as life. Also about this he never mentioned anything about it towards me. It would not have made sense – I knew it, I was standing equal in certain parts and for the rest it was clear for me that I would continue walking this process within myself no matter what, so it would have been something as ‘pointing out the obvious’ which would not make sense. It was all within that moment of not talking and sitting there with the focus on a practical, physical point which for me was an advise to work on and from here, build my self-trust that I will be able to walk a relationship/agreement some day if I want to if there is an opportunity to do so.

I still apply this suggestion of putting my tongue slightly against my upper palate and/to relax my jaw-bones. I notice that it supports me to breathe, to bring myself in breathing and more relaxing the body, where the focus gets of the thoughts.

This moment at the farm is an example of the responsibility that is laying within taking responsibility for the life of others. This very small moment could have been easily missed or interpretated differently which could have determined the length of process within me within such a vulnerable moment. In the end it is my own responsibility and I was and am very much aware of this, so my approach towards him was not one of ‘wanting him to do it for me’ or laying my responsibility at him. I go there, I open myself up, I receive what he and the others who are living at the farm, are giving to me and I walk on with it within myself. So if he would have act or said different and it would not have alligned within myself, I would have investigated this and taken responsibility for the point within myself as how I was used to do in any case of receiving support. However I have not once be misunderstood by Bernard which for me was of great support as that this is possible and it brought me a step forward. He was looking within me with me, which is so much different as ‘looking at me’ and he gave the suggestions to fill the lacks within me – lacks as the small essential things that I had missed within my life while growing up and that I had not yet been able to find somewhere else. He took my ‘wish’ for a relationship/agreement serious, which was something that I had never done myself as I did not understand several parts of it and was always mixed up about walking together and walking alone with regards to ‘standing alone’ and taking responsibility for and as myself and within this, confused within preferences towards certain types of males.

At the same time, I was aware that within walking a relationship/agreement I would be able to live my utmost potential within an area that was ‘new’ and beneficial for me. So actually my fear within this is related to not being able to walk my utmost potential, which gives another restriction and load towards a relationship/agreement which I firstly had to walk through and let go. The fear is about me, about not being able to let go of my preferences while at the same time, seeing that I am really motivated and able to walk what is needed as what is best. So within this I have been surprising myself many times  – and be surprised by others – by seeing how strong the preferences within and as the mind are and can be and how easily I (and others) can be distracted by this and before one knows, consequenses are created and opportunities are missed if I am not carefully walking with and as myself through this layers.

One being who is unconditionally standing can be determining for everyone of us until we stand in and as self-trust. And each being who stands in and as self-trust, can be this ‘one being’ for another being. Bernards absolute standing  – as an example in/as Life in a human physical body – is still present as a motivation within me me to push through the layers within me in difficult moments as if he is standing so absolute, then who am I to not do so. Until I stand in and as self-trust, in and as life. Within the realization that if I do not stand in and as my utmost potential, another may not stand too and that will be a hard thing to forgive myself for.

So the motivation to do so is not yet one and equal as myself in and as life as I am walking through the layers in/as the mind. We cannot do it alone. Join the group.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself absolute to walk as what is best for all, where in I see, realize and understand that this walking is a process that needs to be walked in/as the physical to become real and trustable in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous from my own experiences of fear within me as if ‘something very bad is happening sooner or later’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my own experience of fear and interpretation of it as if something bad is happening sooner or later.

When and as I see myself becoming nervous because of an experience of fear within myself, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I react to my own experience of fear, where in I see the fear related to experiences in/as memories of not being allowed to challenge a mind-pattern from myself and/as another where ‘sooner or later something bad will happen’ if I do so – something bad as someone becoming very angry at me.

I commit myself to stop, breathe and forgive myself for the energetic charges as fear for something bad happening where in I investigate what I am not standing equal to in/as my own mind as fear as judgement.

I commit myself to stop, forgive and correct myself within or the moments that I am speaking in knowledge and not standing as an example but more, asking another to do apply a principle that I am not standing absolute in and as.

I commit myself to practise patience and to become more and more aware of the unnoticed energetic patterns within me so that I can forgive and correct myself within before speaking or acting and so, prevent myself more and more from creating consequenses.

I commit myself to for now, stop creating consequenses by stopping myself from reacting on it when and as I do see them arise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the male-ego as ‘wanting to suppress me as a female within my expression’ and from here, find the male-ego rediculous and not something to take seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the male-ego seriously but to directly want to debunk this pattern and so challenge it immensely in and as the female-ego as ‘I am right’.

When and as I see a slight experience within myself on the background of ‘laughing at the male-ego’ as finding it rediculousness, I stop and breathe.

I realize that whatever it is in/as the male-ego that is playing out, nothing/no-one likes to be laughed at.

I realize that I needed it to be taken seriously in very small points and so does probably another, as we all are trying to express ourselves within the limited conditions that we have learned to do so.

I commit myself to stop laughing at the male-ego as if it is something rediculous and to take someone serious within what one is stating/mentioning in/as a (male) ego-point coming up, within the realization that it might be an ego-point, however within this, the being is present as the being is transferred into the mind by living out the patterns in/as the mind and so, I commit myself to take the being serious within an ego-pattern coming up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to challenge the male ego by bringing forward a principle as what is best for all, first because I challenge the male ego simply because I am a female and secondly because I speak in and as a starting-point of inequality towards a male in general, in and as fear which leads to not taking the male-ego seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take serious that what I fear and so, that what I judge in/as the mind and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself serious in/as rhe mind and from here, being surprised by the patterns coming up.

When and as I see myself participating in fear of challenging the male-ego and/or en ego in general, I stop and breathe.

I realize that my starting-point is not equal in/as myself as a being in/as life and so, I need to check myself first on (surpressed or slightly present) energetic reactions before speaking.

I commit myself to first check myself on energetic reactions when and as I want to bring forward a principle as what is best for all and to name and forgive myself the experiences as a release of the connected energy and from here, see if I can bring forward a principle as what is best for all and how to bring this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look up to a male and within this, create a polarity within and as myself as fear as judgement to feel ‘better then’ as a compensation for this ‘looking up to’.

When and as I see myself going into an experience of fear, related to ‘looking up to a male’, I stop and breathe.

I commit myself to stop looking up to a male or anyone else and to breathe and see what it is in that moment that ‘I look up to’ and why, where in I can see how to stand equal to this and how to bring it back to myself in and as a skill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point out the obvious certain times in and as an energetic reaction within myself which gives another and/as myself the opportunity to not take serious what I bring forward as a principle as what is best for all.

When and as I see myself pointing out the obvious certain times because I am in and as an energetic reaction, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I diminish the principle that I bring forward and within this, diminish myself by speaking in and as energy.

I commit myself to stop pointing out the obvious in and as an energetic reaction, to stop myself from speaking over and over the same point and to walk out if possible, to first clear myself from the energy coming up and from here, to see what is possible as/and to bring forward a principle as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take serious the mind-patterns that are so obvious that I do not understand that they come up so many times and that it is not be seen, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that it are more automated reactions in which we put a veil on the pattern itself through which our self-responsibility becomes invisible.

When and as I see myself reacting to the thought that I do not understand that a mind-pattern comes up so many times, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I react to my own thought and so, I am in judgement instead of forgiveness as understanding.

I realize that in certain situations, in/as the mind I see understanding as a ‘diminishing’ of myself as if I ‘stand under it’ and so, I keep myself away from understanding as forgiveness as I do not like the related experience of diminishing.

I realize that this must be some related experience for another too, seemingly even more for the male-ego which might make it harder to go into understanding as forgiveness and self-forgiveness as self-understanding.

I commit myself to stop myself from participating in a thought that I do not understand something and to directly see what it is that I stand not equal to and forgive myself for this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself serious in/as life in the small and detailed moments and points as how life shows itself and from here, allow myself to be ridiculoused by myself and/as another in/as the mind.

When and as I see myself tending to reject myself in/as a principle as what is best for all in/as life, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am not yet standing equal to and as this principle and so, my approach is (partly) in/as the mind in knowledge and information and so, I am not ready to share this as a living example.

I commit myself to stop rejecting myself in a point of what is best for all in/as life that I reject myself in and to investigate, forgive and correct myself until I do no longer reject myself in and as this principle.

I commit myself to walk in self-honesty with and as myself in seeing what I am standing equal to and what not and to share what I have walked for and as myself.

A process to be walked and to be continued.

Uil forgive

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
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Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
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Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
http://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
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Bernard Poolman

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Sunday 11 august 2013 Bernard Poolman has passed away. His heart stopped beating.

See blogpost on Creation’s Journey to Life.

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I am not sure where to begin so I describe what I walk through since the message sunday afternoon that Bernard passed away.

When I read the message on email I first understood that his heart stopped beating and I expected that the message would go on like ‘he is in the hospital and being reanimated’ or something like that.

This is not so. Bernard really passed away.

Sadness is the first thing that comes up in me, together with disbelief and incomprehension and a thought as ‘what should we do now?!’

Soon after this it become very clear to me what to do: to move on with the activities that I am doing, and with the group who will continue doing the tasks. It was as if I was making some kind of checklist inside myself to see if I am able to continue the work what I started within Desteni, without the physical presence of Bernard being here anymore.

I am able to continue. I have called Larry and Sylvie and asked them to open the email. I wanted to share this with them. In the hourse after this, I was still pretty clear.

We have had chat at 20.00 with the whole group. Within this it became clear that Bernard will not be coming through the Portal:

Bernard will not be coming through the Portal. You must understand that Bernard was an individual standing within and as all of existence in his Physical Body; now that he is no more in his physical body, he as what he stood as, as life, as here, as all, as one, as equal still remains within existence; but he is no more an individual being/person………….. So, we cannot talk with him personally as a him personally did only exist for the time-being on earth as to what was necessary to be done. Therefore, we as individuals still here have to stand and walk this Physical Process. The dimensional process is/has been done and walked  we have to take it from here into/as the Physical and we have everything we need.

And here the real sadness came up. He is really not here anymore as ‘Bernard’, also not as an individual being in the dimensions.

The group is directly standing up within the responsibility to continue with the activities in and as Desteni untill it’s done. There are questions but there will be coming an interview from Sunette and this will probably answer most of the questions.

In the hours that follow, everything becomes clear very fast with regards to the points that I have not yet taken real responsibility for within myself; the things that I saw, but not yet ‘picked up’ to really change within myself. All these points actually leads towards the same conclusion, that I still trusted on Bernard in a way, that I am not really aware of what ‘life’  is, that I do not understand how he can deside to not continue as an individual being but as existance everywhere, being present in all life. Most of all are related to missing a point of absolute certainty. This is what I have missed so much during my life, and what I have experienced, seen and received as a support and example from Bernard. This is the point what I did not bring into standing in a sufficient way within myself because of participation within and as the mind, which gives an experience of self-doubt.

I notice that I made attachments towards Bernard with regards to his total effort with absolute certainty to bring in Life as what is best for all, untill it’s done, and that I used his absolute certainty and dedication as a motivation to push myself through. After being in South-Africa, I have asked myself several times if I would move on in self-honesty no matter what, and the answer was ‘yes’ every time. It is what I wanted to do for already 20 years, but what I was not able to take on in totality, because I was missing the complete information, the tools to bring it into practise and a living example of how to do this. I was missing the act of self-forgiveness, and without self-forgiveness, no real change is possible. Bernard and Desteni gave me the information, the practical tools and the living example, and within Desteni I picked up tasks that I am able to complete, with or without Bernard, and so I can move on with what I am doing already.

At the same time I noticed that there was still hesitation to really live in absolute certainty and dedication towards and as life. It was as if there was some kind of, “yes, but” within myself, and I was moving, but it seems like moving too slow; it felt like pushing through a fuzzy cloud of distraction.

So, the absolute certainty and effort from Bernard I used as a motivation to push myself through. And this is what I need to be for myself. During this week after his passing away, I notice a change in myself and around me, as if some veil, some ‘noise’ has moved with him. This is related to the removing of the physical systems that he was working on, and the last one that he took on while and with leaving his physical body. (There will be coming interviews about this from Sunette – you can read her blog here). As if for the first time, I see myself as being able to do this, to take full responsibility for my own mind and to work together with the group on bringing a solution into the world. I experience it as if the support as the living principles as Life as Bernard was standing in and as, is spread out everywhere in and as existence, as a platform to walk on, available for everyone who is ready to face oneself in self-honesty.

There is no choise anymore: I have to walk into living as what I see, realize and understand as the only solution and we as a group as Desteni have to walk and bring the solution into the world, and we as a group as humanity have to bring this change into living, as the only solution to live in equality and oneness in and as this physical world. We have to be, become and continue in being practical living beings as what is best for all, and within this we have to stand the test of time, as Bernard stood the test of time and has become timeless and always Here, in and as support as Life, in and as the Living Principles.

His carefullness in every breath, is what stands most by me, as Anna is also describing in her blog about Bernard.

This starts in tender care in and as myself,in the very small things. Really listening to myself. Applying self-forgiveness on the fear that comes up in this; fear for standing up in and as life in carefullness in a world that is not carefull. There is so much to do in this before I am really able to be carefull in every breath.

(Compassion in Action)  (Blog Cathy)

Life is caring, the mind is not. So the systems that exist have to be realligned with and as the living principles as what is best for all in and as carefullness, and so we need to stop the starting point of self-interest in and as the mind. This starts within ourselves, as only when we as as humanity change into carefull and trustworthy beings, we will be able to change the world into a place that is Best for All Life.

This is what Bernard and Sunette are pointing out every time again: “You only need to take full responsibility for your own Mind Consiousness System and to forgive and change yourself within this”.

This is how change will take place as 1+1+1+1+1

“Give as you would like to receive”.

Within this, real care will come in. As first there is the giving and then there is the receiving.

Bernard said several times to me: “You are still scared of people”. “What to do” I asked. “It’s a thought”, he answered.

Within my witness-blog about going to the farm I described (part of) my experience with  Bernard on the farm.

I can keep on writing while the words are not fully describing what Bernard has given and how gratefull I am for what he has done. It is to each one of us to really live as his example in and as the Living Principle.

Here are a few lines from the chat that shows how it is not about Bernard but about the Living Principle that he brought into the world, and only living by this living principles and within this, bringing life into the world until it is done, until all is life, is a real expression of gratefullness and respect towards Bernard, who is standing as Life-Self-Realised. Because, what we all are really missing is

LIFE

in and as ourselves, and so in and as the world:

we have to become the living example of the living principle in the physical (Sunette)

he’s always stood in existence, as existence – here, so he’s “here”, but not “Bernard as an individual” – what I mean with ‘he’s here in/as existence’ is the Principle, Life (Sunette)

he told us -it is never about the individual, but the principles, thus we cannot use any excuses that bernard is not alive, because the principles still stand and it is up to us to stand (Cameron)

Consider the point that Bernard wasn’t something special  but the embodiment of a principle that we can all develop ourselves as; so  then I would suggest to simply stand as that point yourself of giving yourself your life back through being disciplined, and diligent in your process of standing up (Viktor)

he will be missed – but we will not miss his message/his words/what he stood for/as – this we’ve got to take and live and continue to do so (Sunette)

I would say Bernard did a better job than Jesus. Establishing the process of walking as equals as one as the principle – so we individually and together see this through, he was the guiding point, and now we have enough guidance to guide ourselves and each other and so to those still to come to be walking with us (Sunette)

we cannot rely on one single individual as that would be again ‘following a message’ instead of living it (Marlen)

Need to look at what you saw in bernard and found missing within yourself and then give it to yourself (Fidelis)

All he ever asked of us is show others the support he has given us (Fidelis)

we each stand as a specific point within this process – Bernard stood as the living example of what we are to become, life self-realised – walking the process we have established / each has ‘their point to stand’ – so, ‘life individualized’ is like self realisation process of being/becoming life and we have the process / structure to walk to be/become it (Sunette)

 Bernard Poolman –  Living The Word Alive: DAY 231

Thank you

Video support Marlen

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(This is partly a translation of the Dutch blog that I wrote on 13 august 2013)

(Dutch blog with related self-forgiveness)

(Dutch Journey to Life blog)

(English Journey to Life blog)

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
http://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
http://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/